Liking Who You Are
Sometimes life is difficult and we don’t feel like ourselves. When things really get rough, we may even start to not like who we are. Aspects of ourselves, such as self-confidence and self-esteem, can fluctuate. When we are over-stressed, down in the dumps, or lonely, we may not be happy or proud of the person we have become. Liking who you are is an important part of self-care and overall happiness, but sometimes this is a tough thing to get back once it is gone. Here are some things you can do to help you like yourself. I know that change is not easy, but these are some ideas to get you started.
Do a reality check. Examine or analyze your thoughts. How real and accurate is your self-talk (the little voice inside your head)? How do you view yourself? Are you overly critical of your appearance, personality, or failures? Making your self-talk more accurate, or changing negative self-talk to positive (or at least neutral), can help you feel better about yourself.
Self-forgiveness. Most people know that forgiving others can be very healing. What about forgiving yourself? Are you still holding on to some old mistake, feeling guilty about things you did in the past? Everyone makes mistakes. We cannot change the past. Maybe it is time to let go of the guilt, to forgive yourself, to move on.
Change your behavior. We all have bad habits. Are your habits leading to not liking yourself? Maybe it is over-indulgence in things (eating or drinking too much), smoking, not spending enough time with family, too much time on your phone. If your behavior causes you to think negatively about yourself, then maybe it is time to change/reduce/eliminate the behavior. This, of course, is easier said that done. Maybe start with something small before changing something big in your life.
Consider changing who you spend time with. Are your friends, family or romantic partner overly negative? Are they insulting or rude to you? Do you feel manipulated or taken advantage of when you are around them? If so, maybe you need to spend less time around them, or if it is too bad, remove them from your life altogether.
Acknowledge past successes. Sometimes when we feel down we forget the times when things were good. Think about the times in your life when you were successful, when you achieved something, when you won something. Embrace these successes. Celebrate your achievements. It is natural to think about past failures. It takes effort sometimes to think about success, but if you do, it can really make you feel good about yourself.
Renew an old hobby or interest. Is there something you used to enjoy, but for some reason you stopped doing it? Maybe you stopped having time for it, or you stopped for another person. Take up that old hobby again, see if you still like it. Have purpose in life. Not just “a purpose,” although that is important. Have purpose every day. Try to be productive, doing things for other people, doing things for yourself.
Develop new short term and long term goals. People do better when they have a plan, a schedule, and goals. Develop new short term goals (things to achieve in the next 6 months) that are designed to improve self-care, self-esteem, or self-confidence. Create some long term goals (2-10 years) that are maintenance of short term goals, or are geared towards bigger picture things such as changes to career or education.
Liking who you are is a life-long process, with many ups and downs. These suggestions are just some ideas for you, some starting points. If you feel like you need more help with this, please contact a therapist who can assist you through the counseling process.